it's the law

Yahoo! posted an article on its front page earlier today about the World's Strangest Laws.
I am apparently the World's Strangest Proponent of its Strange Laws, because I would totally lobby for (almost) all of them, and then add some to the list.

No Feeding Pigeons
totally. and I would without hesitation add Gulls and Geese to that law.

No Stopping on the Autobahn
duh. that thing is ridiculously fast driving. stopping will inevitably equal carnage and death.

No Driving Shirtless
amen.

No Paying in Pennies
true that. I almost garotted my own mother the other day while she rifled through her purse looking for the change that she just "knew was in there somewhere!" debit. card.

No Kissing at Train Stations
or Quiznos.

No Driving a Dirty Car
well...I disagre with this one only because I am a total car slob.

No Strolling in a Bathing Suit
does anyone need to be in a bathing suit other than on the beach, by a pool, or at the river? I think not. I would also take it farther and add 'no speedos' and 'no string-bikinis' to that rule, but that's because I'm a prude.

No Driving With Headlights Off
word, yo. I drive with my headlights on at 1pm in the middle of summer. it's just safer. science says so!

No Chewing Gum
at this one, I completely balk. Gum is a godsend.

I would also lobby for the following laws:

No driving (except for extreme medical emergencies) when there's more than, say, 1/2 inch of snow on the ground.
automatic holiday. yes, I am that much of a Pacific Northwesterner, and a total girl to boot. I just like to stay at home and be cozy when it snows, not sludging around trying not to crash and die. plus, I'm lazy. a few extra days of sleeping in...not such a bad thing for anyone.

Mandatory Synchronized Dance Routines taught in Gym.
seriously. that way, if like, I was walking through the mall and suddenly started a mad dance sequence, everyone else could join right in. life as a musical. consider the possibilities...

days of the new

This is our new dog, Sharpie. we did not name him. he is part cocker spaniel, part poodle, which means that he is part dumb and part smart, and most importantly that he does not shed. we still have our bulldog, Hero, but she is getting old old old for a bulldog, and if I don't have another dog when she dies, I don't think the world would be able to contain my sadness. (cuddling up to another pet is very comforting when you are mourning the loss of another dog.) he just sort of ended up in our lives unexpectedly, but he is charming and I love him (and Mitch will love him one day too...)

Anyways, Sharpie is posing amongst our new wood floorboards, which are going to be installed in our living room tomorrow. farewell evil carpet, I shall not miss you at all! (& thanks, Joneses, for helping us rip it out!)

help?

I am desperately afraid of bugs. ants creep me out. moths send me into a total panic. and stinging/pinching/biting bugs that can actually cause me physical pain are on an entirely different plane beyond sanity.



so imagine how much work I am unable to do at this very moment with seven wasps in my office.

who loves their new office NOW?

update: cancel that distress call. thanks to the magic of fly-swatters, weather-stripping, spray-foam, and lots of wasp spray, I think the coast is clear.

no thanks, I'll just have water...

on Monday night at Quiznos, I was waiting in line, trying to politely ignore the snuggly couple next to me while I pondered the eternal question: chicken carbonara or turkey bacon guacamole?

anyways, I happened to look up at just the wrong moment: she decided that it was an appropriate moment to nibble on and lick his ear. in public. at Quiznos. while I was thinking about food.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

I was immediately unhungry. dehungerized. antistarved.

the flicks

I hit up the Hollywood Video last night for the first time in what seemed like forever, and I just couldn't decide what to rent. First, I was going to get 'Pineapple Express' and 'Milk', but then I rembmered that I hate James Franco. As much as I dig Seth Rogan and Sean Penn, I just wasn't in the mood for the Franco...

I ended up getting 'Rachel Getting Married', 'Synechdoche NY', and 'Twilight'. Yes, THAT 'Twilight', the one that tween girls the world over deafened us all with their squee-ing over. AND, of those three movies, I chose to watch that one first. yes, I am ashamed of myself. kind of. but not really...I can't help it; the nerd in me LOVES vampires! their whole 'eternal outsider, eternally alone' rap is totally my style.

anyways, it was awesome and awful at the same time. horrible, terrible, cringe-worthy effects, but awesome in the moody, brooding, restrained passion department.

I recommend that guys NEVER watch it. and I recommend that girls (who like that kind of movie) do what I did: rent it, watch it in secret, and then pretend it never happened.

free at last!

after years of sharing an office at a 'reception' desk at the main entrance of the building, I finally have my own office. when strange people come in with even stranger questions, I will be tucked safely away in my corner. why yes, that is weird foil ducting above my desk. and yet, I am completely undeterred in my joy at this development.

pop!

why, for the love of God, does the popcorn function never work on any microwave I have ever tried?

and why, for the love of God, do I keep pushing that button instead of just setting it for three minutes and then using my ears?

foiled again by my love of pre-programmed buttons. burned popcorn is the worst. I opted for oatmeal for lunch instead...

wicked awesome

we went to go see 'Wicked' at the Keller on Sunday night, and then we stayed at the Governor Hotel downtown. they accidentally overbooked, so we got upgraded to the Governor's Suite! Sweet!

downtown P-town is fun and interesting and exciting, but mostly the traffic just stresses me out.

p.s. - 'Wicked' is still in town for a couple more weeks. if you enjoy musicals at all, you will definitely enjoy this one. it is fantastic!

who watches the Watchmen...? I DO!

I went to the 12:01 of Watchmen last night. ye-ah! I really liked it. and I WILL watch it again. It was deranged and visceral, definitely paying homage to its source graphic novel by being both graphic (gratuitous violence and sex), and novel (an alternate version of America, starting from the rise of an original group of Masked Avengers in the 40's that changed our history as we know it).

I watched 'Almost Famous' on cable the other night, and the scene where Jason Lee's character exclaims "We come off as amateurs, man, fighting and about to break up" kept coming back to me - this is a story of masked amateurs grappling with vengeance, inadequacy, fear of their own past, and narcissism. They don't have superpowers, save for Dr. Manhattan, who seems to be able to control the universe around him at whim, due to a freak accident that rendered him detached and blue (and for some reason, naked).

One of the guys I watched it with complained that there was too much backstory and not enough plot, but I vehemently disagree - without the backstory, what do we care about the plot?

Billy Crudup had the most thankless role, as he spent all but 5 minutes of the movie painted entirely blue with dead white eyes, conveying impassive detachment from humanity.

Jackie Earl Haley was vicious as the snarling Rorschach. His ever-shifting rorschach-like mask was well-animated, and managed to convey emotion even when he didn't speak.

Patrick Wilson was kind of the boy scout/batman of the movie as Nite Owl II, a role I wasn't sure he fit, but with his awesome 80's glasses, sad haircut, and paunch - his sad, settled, impotent character made you root for him to mask up and kick ass.

Matthew Goode was also good(e) as the success-driven Ozymundias. Whether it was the actor or lighting and contacts, his eyes fairly blazed with fervor akin to madness.

...Also, whoever the music producer on this movie was, I would like to kiss them. Their choice of music was note-perfect every scene.

ahem

you sir?

you are a tool.

deorganization

I just reorganized my bookmarked 'favorites' alphabetically yesterday.

I can't find anything today.

dammit.

serious questions require serious answers

1. Can someone please explain Twitter to me? I don't ... get it. I went to the website and it was not very informative. It mostly sounds invasive and demanding at the same time.

2. my cold/cough is almost gone, but I still have swollen glands/nodes on my neck that show up about 3 times a year, often before or after an illness but sometimes for no reason at all, and I'm mostly hoping they are not indicators of some sort of lymphatic cancer, but rather a lingering sinus or ear infection...
Shall I go to the doctor yet, or wait?

the bug, it hath struck

I hab a cold. thag gooddess for Day Quill.

good times, good tunes...

remember 'Jimmy Eat World', 'Blink 182', 'Weezer', and all those good old 2000-era bands? Pandora Radio just reminded me of how much I like them!

double-feature

my brother and I hit up the Carmike for a double-feature last night. First, we saw Frost/Nixon. Langella's Nixon is more haunted than you would have expected, and so you don't have to spend the film fighting against unwelcome sympathy; instead you begin to empathize with him, despite his actions, at the realization that the last 20 years of his life must have been a lonely hell. Michael Sheen was also great as Frost - I'll admit I have been interested to see what he would do with his career after The Queen, and I think this movie will finally make a Name for him.

then we decided to go for the depression flick with Sam Mendes' Revolutionary Road, as he once again focuses on the dark side of suburban America. Kate Winslet is one of my all-time favorite actresses, and she is fantastic as always. I was surprised to find out that this movie is actually based on a book written in 1961 - it seemed to be set in the mid 50's or so, but felt much more immediate, despite the fedoras and Mad Men-esque office commute. my highest praise, though, has to be given to the final scene - a perfectly executed ending to the film.

so basically, I liked them both, but would recommend the former over the latter, given a choice between the two, just because I know most people don't love the despair-laden flicks. (although if that IS your cup of tea, then you REALLY should check out 28 Grams. depress-o-rama. it's awesome.)

the remedy

so, I have shaken off my case of the growlies, and am no longer ready to kill myself and/or everyone around me!

the perfect antidote, it turns out, is skipping Tribe and going to a movie. by myself. Gran Torino.

Clint Eastwood's growly, cranky, hate-y old man was awesome, and sad, and funny, and...did I say awesome?

together we decided that although people are irritating and frustrating and growl-inducing, that love is worth the risk of making yourself vulnerable.

Thanks, Clint - good times!

grr.

I hate everything and everyone today.

the slummionaire

I'm apparently posting this a day late as 'Slumdog Millionaire' apparently swept the Golden Globes last night, but...

you should check it out. all the critics are hyping the hell out of it, but really it's not arty or deep or life-changing, it's just a good example of why we watch movies: it's escapist (literally - the backdrop of the cities/slums of India is arresting, and I have never wanted to travel there so badly before), it's an underdog tale, AND it's a love story.

also, it ends with a Bollywood-style choreographed music number. choreography=count me in! (but don't worry, guys, if synchronized bopping bothers you, just turn it off before the credits roll.)

the list(s)

I wanted to make a list of the top 10 movies of 2008. However...here's the thing. I really didn't see many movies in 2008 apparently. So, here are 3 lists of movies I liked, movies I was disappointed with, and movies I still want to see...

2008 movies I liked:
Dark Knight
Iron Man
Hulk
Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Hancock
Hellboy II (the costumes/effects, NOT the writing)
Hamlet II

2008 movies I was disappointed with:
Miracle at St Anna (good until the end, and then...not so much)
The Spirit
Wanted
Indiana Jones
The Happening
Prince Caspian
Hellboy II (the writing, ugh)
Step Brothers
X Files


2008 movies I still want to see:
Frost/Nixon
Bolt
Defiance
Slumdog Millionaire
Waltz With Bashir
In Bruges
Revolutionary Road
Synechdoche, NY
Milk
Pineapple Express
Gran Torino
Snow Angels
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Doubt
Quantum of Solace

land of 10,000 lakes

"let us hope that we are all preceded in this world by a love story."

I just watched Sweet Land again this other evening. yes, it is sentimental and predictable, but I hold that this formula does not always equal boring. It is a visual poem on love, land, and heritage. (Then again, I must acknowledge that most people will find it sloooow - it may have resonated so deeply with me primarily because of the Norwegian/German farming heritage that the story draws upon.)

However, the cinematography (Minnesota farmland) was also beautiful and evocative, and Elizabeth Reaser was perfectly cast. Alan Cumming - not so much...

coffeecoffeecoffeejavajavajavajava

I drank about 50 oz of coffee at 6pm last night. I drink about 20-40 oz of various diet sodas daily, so I thought I could handle it. apparently coffee is to soda what red is to pink. (sorry about the weird analogy, I'm too wired to come up with something a little less odd.)

anyways, it was a

bad.
idea.

I am still jacked up on all the caffeine. my whole body was literally vibrating last night, and I was convinced I was going to have a stroke. we were watching Kung Fu Panda, and it was all I could do to sit on the couch and not bounce up and down on the cusion nonstop.

the power went off at 1pm. and 2pm. and I was awake and heard everything shut off both times.

synecdoche, new york

I love Phillip Seymour Hoffman, even more than Charlie Kauffman. I think this film looks fascinating.

oh, and here's the homework on the title:
Synecdoche (pronounced "si-NEK-duh-kee", IPA: /sɪˈnɛkdəˌki/; from Greek sinekdohi (συνεκδοχή), meaning "simultaneous understanding") is a figure of speech in which:
-a term denoting a part of something is used to refer to the whole thing
-a term denoting a thing (a "whole") is used to refer to part of it
-a term denoting a specific class of thing is used to refer to a larger, more general class
-a term denoting a general class of thing is used to refer to a smaller, more specific class
-a term denoting a material is used to refer to an object composed of that material

having a blast

the Arctic Blast(TM) has taught me many life lessons. Here are just a few of them:

1. it doesn't feel good to be left out of something, especially a dramatic snowstorm. Mr Blast, you seriously couldn't have come an extra 5 miles down I-5 with some nice freezing rain? a little extra snow? I have been a faithful (if not overly vigilant) follower of your work for the past 2 weeks, and you leave me out in the warm?

2. meteorologists are kind of a men's club. yeah, they let the blond-haired Claire Danes lookalike do weather when it's the typical rainy forecast, but as soon as the storm hits, they kick her to the curb, all "go do that puff piece on keeping your pets safe during the storm". and because she is as dumb as she looks, she trots happily off to obey, while the guys with names like Mark and Steve with overly large ties get to do the real reporting.

3. walking in the falling snow at night while listening to Sigur Ros is one of my top 3 worship experiences. you should try it.

the most exciting thing that will ever happen to me (and it really just happened to someone else 10 feet away)

So, on Tuesday when I got into work, there were some people here meeting with pastors for prayer, and it was whispered to me that "they are the parents of that guy who they arrested as a suspect in the Woodburn bombing". which was weird and scary and sad.

Then Bob left, and about a minute after he left he called and said that he thought there were cops parked along the highway, possibly monitoring the couple. Since my reaction to just about everything Bob says is "yeah right", I kind of dismissed it. I did go outside and look, and didn't see any cars, so I went back to work.

Then, the couple went to leave, and as they did, I turned and told Tiffany, who shares an office with me, who they were. As I was telling her, her eyes got big, and she said "holy crap, the FBI is here!" and hit the ground. I turned around and looked just outside my window, and sure enough there were about 15 guys with guns and asault rifles about 10 feet away from me, yelling phrases you only hear on TV like "FBI, FREEZE!".

so I slid out of my chair and onto the ground under my desk. I then spent the next minute trying to decide which I wanted more: to see what was going on, or to crawl out of my office and away from the guns. I opted for the latter...

sucks

So, while stuck at home by snow and ice, I watched part of two movies on cable. Two horrible, awful movies. Couldn't finish either of them. Their very existence makes life much less worth living. The culprits:

_Dreamgirls
_Love in the Time of Cholera

Dreamgirls was just awful and horrible and stupid. No amount of singing could redeem it.
and Love in the Time of Cholera might not have been awful and horrible and stupid, but for the plain fact that Javier Bardem is the creepiest man EVER, and no matter how good an actor he is, he cannot make me believe that he is not motivated purely by a desire to hack open the leading lady and sew clothes out of her skin.

can I get another amen?

copy/pate the below address to hilarious holiday awesomeness!

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000Z9946M/ref=dm_mu_dp_trk3?ie=UTF8&qid=1229209045&sr=1-26

Philosophy will clip an angel's wings

I am in the process of making two sets of large angel wings for the JBC Christmas production in a few weeks.


Three lessons I have learned:

1.) I am not creative when it comes to hands-on crafts. they stress me out. however, Mitch knows how things should go together. I now know to go directly to him next time before I start my brainstorming process.

2.) Feathers are fluffy, floaty, and messy. It looks like a chicken massacre in our kitchen right now.

3.) hot glue guns are AWESOME! I shall henceforth use it on everything.

easy listening

I don't normally promote/listen to soft rock radio; however...the time for exceptions has come, because they are playing Christmas music from now until...Christmas!

Also, if you want to stream it, say, at your workplace, you can do so here http://www.k103.com/cc-common/ondemand/player.html?world=st

Ode

O, Diet Wild Cherry Pepsi

How I do love thee -

Your insignificant source of nutrients

Doth not dissuade me

from my devotion to you.

You are more refreshing than

fresh spring water;

more flavorful by far.

Your phenylketonurics and Potassium Benzoate (though indimidating)

Do bring me joy.

Your promises that you contain no juice,

nor sugar,

and little-to-no-sodium

Bring comfort to my soul.

We shall ne'er again be parted,

O Diet Pepsi mine,

for your bubbly caffeination

is my very center, my reason,

my core.

[translation: I didn't have any Diet Pepsi for, like, 48 hours. aaand it sucked. sorry about the not poetry; the combination of Wild Cherry flavoring and carbonation goes straight to my brain after that long...]

a good (re)read

I am a re-reader. I cycle through my library regularly. I like to rediscover old characters and form new favorites.

One of my all-time favorite books that I am getting ready to dive into again, after I finish Memoirs of a Geisha, is 'How to be Good' by Nick Nornby (who also wrote High Fidelity and About a Boy). Superb humor of the British variety. I highly recommend, with a disclaimer that there IS some language. (Have I mentioned that I find the f-word hilarious, especially when paired with British vernacular?) You can borrow it after I'm done...but I warn you, I dog-ear the heck out of all the pages. Bookmarks, schmookmarks...

after that I think I'll move on (back?) to 'Til We Have Faces' by CS Lewis. a beautiful, haunting myth retold. Lewis has a weaving way of pointing out (drawing out?) the truth of each of us in the characters.

you should read that one too...